Being My Own Woman
As a kid I never felt that being a girl would come in the way of having a career. In fact, I never felt it would come in the way of anything. Gender discrimination had a toxic role in my family but it didn’t interfere with education or academic opportunities.
At work, I was lucky enough to work in companies or teams where equality was taken for granted. The opportunities and responsibilities were based on merit and merit only. There were always those few people who would assume at the first meeting that I was in a non-technical role, but once corrected, their behavior was generally not patronizing. The system didn’t allow it to be. There was stereotyping but not much discrimination.
The real judgements started once I reached my 30s. At first, there were personal and inappropriate questions about why I didn’t have kids yet. Once my son was born, a lot of people made their disapproval known at my decision to go back to work. Coworkers, neighbors, relatives would often question or comment. Sometimes the remarks were aggressive but more often they were intended to hurt but disguised as a joke. People often asked how many hours I spent outside the house. They would freely share stories about nannies from hell.
After 2 years of being a working mom, I decided to quit my highly lucrative career and become a stay-at-home mom. It was a personal choice totally based on what was right for me and my family at that time. That’s when the obnoxious questions and the insidious remarks started coming from the other camp. I had a 2 yr old toddler to tend to, but people were still very curious as to what I would do ALL day. They wanted to know if I would spend my time watching TikTok videos!
My roles changed, my life changed, the only thing that didn’t change was the constant judgement! Why? Why is there such a need to criticize others and feel attacked when someone makes a choice that’s different from ours? Why is there a need for these camps to exist?
All of us are unique and our situations are unique too. There is no template for when/whether to marry, when/whether to have kids, how many kids to have, whether be a homemaker or have a career outside, whether be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. It has to be our very own personal choice.
Every women’s day, I see this day become more of a competition. It becomes a day when people around us decide whether we are worthy enough of being celebrated. How sick is that?
In the 1840s, Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell took the literary world by a storm. In 1857, George Eliot stunned all by magnificent pieces of literature. In reality, they were Charlotte, Emily and Anne Bronte and Mary Ann Evans. They had to adopt the male pseudonyms in order for their books to be published and taken seriously. It’s been almost two centuries since then. But we still have to hide! We’re still in a situation where one side shouts loud enough to drown out the voices of the other. Only the sides have changed.
We are rightly passionate about equal career opportunities. What about equal human opportunities? What about the basic freedom to be able to make our own life decisions without censure?
Women’s day is an opportunity to reaffirm our commitment to gender equality. Women have had to fight for their rights for too long. And we aren’t there yet! Gender equality means a world where all opportunities are equally available irrespective of gender. But the choice of the path one wants to take is highly personal and subjective. People should feel free to chart their own course.
And to all you women out there who happen to read this. I don’t know you but I know you enough to tell that every crucial choice you’ve made is the best you could have done at that time. Don’t doubt yourself. Hindsight can be very devious. In retrospect it is easy to second guess the decisions that we have taken in the past. Trust yourself and celebrate yourself. You don’t need anyone’s permission for that. You are already awesome!
In 1868, the beloved book Little Women was published and became an instant hit. What makes this book even more beloved to me is that Louisa May Alcott published it under her real name. She stopped hiding! Sometimes, the judgement that we fear is just a reflection of how we are judging ourselves. If we are at peace with our choices, the world often comes around too. And if they don’t, to hell with them!
